Monday, November 18, 2013

An Intense Act of Reconciliation

"Marriage virtually forces us into the intense act of reconciliation." 

Gary Thomas, "Sacred Marriage"

Michelle and I are experienced practitioners of reconciliation. We have yet to perfect the art and the act. We are still working hard at it. As sure as the sun rises every morning, our marriage gives continuous lessons in our life-long study of human relationship and the thing called love.

When you live 24/7 in close proximity and intimacy with another human being, all is exposed.

She is a full length mirror to me. Not only does this mirror reflects my true image - that which no others will have the privilege to see, it comes a loud and sometimes sharp voice. It spews out criticisms, careless remarks, angry words, as much as it does with praises, words of love, affirmation, gratitude and encouragement. And I return her the pleasure of being her full-length speaking mirror.

I am the powerful searchlight that exposes every of her faults; big and small, sooner or later. In return, she is mine.

Such is the reality of two persons having a close and intimate relationship. This is the consequence, as some would lament, of getting married. That is why we cannot continue to simply be spouses.

We need a transformation in our relationship - from husband and wife, to lovers for life. Lovers will take the challenges of an intimate relationship as the institute of noble learning, that which teaches willing students the true skills for life leadership to achieve significance and true meaning in life - to love and be loved.

Having a pet may give you much pleasure and joy. Friendship is great, friends may be your entertainer, supporter and even confidante. But it is the one you married who will provide all the lessons you need to learn to forgive, to ask for forgiveness, to realize that you may be wrong and he/she may be right after all, and to give, give and give some more without expecting reciprocity.

In truth, marriage is designed to bring a man and a woman to the highest realm of existence - to learn to love and what it is to be loved by our Creator.

So with enough experience, my lover and I can say in love and for love, that all who value their marriage must practice humility, give up the demand for individual rights and constantly practice the art of reconciliation.

Start with the ABCs. Learn to say the following phrases.
    "I am sorry, please forgive me."

    "I love you and I forgive you."
    "You were right and I was wrong."

    "Let's move forward!"

Practice till these words become a natural part of your response and reaction.

Michelle and I have tasted the goodness of this practice. We are enjoying each other more than ever as we transform our self from being simply spouses to become lovers. We yearn for one another more and more, despite some of our shortcomings which we have yet to overcome. We feel that we are not just happy being together but living a meaningful a fulfilled life.

A couple can spend lots of effort to prevent 99 conflicts from birthing. It will all come to nothing if they were not prepared to reconcile over 1 conflict that sneaks through. It may be that straw that breaks the camel's back, or more appropriately, that quarrel which may potentially cause a breakup in the marriage.

There is no alternative - it is either reconciliation or separation. Michelle and I choose reconciliation.

What about you?

Great lovers constantly work to perfect their act of reconciliation.


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