Friday, September 2, 2016

How much time must a couple spend together

It depends ... says Dr Greg & Erin Smalley in their book, "Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage":-

A man in the initial thrones of romance will say, "Every minute." A husband or wife who is absorbed in a career will say, "Two hours every other Saturday." A new mother will answer, "I don't care as long as I get a decent nights's sleep." A quarrelling couple will say, "The less time, the better."

These answers must be striking a chord with some of you.

The truth is that no one knows exactly how much time a couple must spend with each other, even if the context and goal are clear. But there is one thing many researchers would agree and that is in order to let love grow to strengthen a marriage, the right answer is, "Spend as much time as you can."

Marriage Expert David Mace wrote:

"One of the great illusion of our time is that love is self-sustaining. It is not. Love must be fed and nurtured, constantly renewed. That demands ingenuity and consideration, but first and foremost, it demands time."

Love needs time and effort to grow. The couple needs to know and be known to each other; their aspirations, fears, joy, pain, dreams and goals and etc must be expressed and shared. That takes time. The lesser the time you spend to bond with your lover, the lesser you know each other deeply. If you don't spend that time to bond with each other, your relationship will slowly but surely grow cold. The danger then is that your lover may be tempted to look outside of your marriage to find warmth. Many extra marital affairs start like that.

Blogger Becker-Phelps advises all couples to set aside administrative talk and tasks to find time to discuss things that matter to their heart:

"Spend more time together. I don't mean get-more-things-done-together time. Or even air-your-problem time. Partners need to have time when they can each share what naturally bubbles up from deep within - interests, values, or experiences that are expressions of their true selves. And they need their partners to have the time, focus and interest to readily listen. This kind of being together is often lost in the overcrowded shuffling of daily activities."

Many of you will say, "We don't have the time." Have your priority right. If you cannot find time for your lover, review where are you spending the time? With your friends, at work, on computer games, or even taking care of your children or parents?

Think through this carefully and even prayerfully - your lover must rank over your children, your parents and even your bosses. Lousy lovers cannot make good parents. A troubled heart cannot make a good performer at work.

Value your marriage and your lover - make a decision to make deliberate effort to bond with each other.  Spend as much time as you can to know and be known to each other and grow deeply in love.

God bless.


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