Monday, December 26, 2011

Refreshing Each Other Always

Do you remember the excitement during the early days of your marriage? Do you remember the rush of adrenaline as you gazed into your spouse’s eyes? And do you remember the pleasure as you stole glances at your spouse? Or the joy of hearing his/her voice over the telephone? Or that racing heartbeat when you touched one another?
For many couples, with the passing of time and growing familiarity, the marriage loses its sparkle. Glances that used to speak love may degenerate to expressions of displeasure. That voice that spoke sweet nothing can become a channel of monotonic and monosyllabic exchange for necessity. Touches no longer produce the same excitement or arousal and do not elicit satisfying emotional responses any more.
Then there are the usual pressures. The world is not a haven for lovers; external stresses act against your marriage. Conflicts set in. You lose your tenderness for your spouse and the joy of marriage is lost. Your marriage is no longer fresh.
Every marriage must remain fresh all the time. Is it possible?
Michelle and I have the experience to affirm that this is absolutely possible. By God’s grace, we live it!
We believe that God intends for us to be the other’s haven. We certainly do not consider the world to be our haven. Neither are friends, including best ones. We are each other’s haven. That is how God created us to be. He designed Eve to be Adam’s helpmate, to satisfy him. Eve is for Adam to love and protect, to be “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh…” (Genesis 2:18,23).
It is our duty to deliberately refresh our relationship constantly. Refresh is, to keep fresh – profound? I don’t think so. It is as simple as being deliberate about keeping our passion and desire for each other constantly fresh and strong.
How do we do that? We constantly replay those first thrills, make effort to fuel the excitement of our sexual union, take the time to enjoy the pleasure of being in each others' embrace, remembering the commitment we made at the altar and offer each other the safety of a true confidante!
Michelle and I refresh each other with positive words and expressions too. We do that a lot.  I learn this from King Solomon and his Shulammite bride. Let’s have a peep at some of their exchanges in Song of Solomon 3-4:
“All night long on my bed, I looked for the one my heart loves…”
“My dove in the clefts of the rock…show me your face…let me hear your voice for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.”
“How beautiful you are, my darling! …Your eyes … are doves…your hair … like a flock of goats … your teeth … lips … temples … neck … two breasts … you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes…”
As we focus constantly on each others' positive traits, we fan our desire for each other. This in turn renews and refreshes our relationship. When we do this constantly, we feel totally safe in each other; we become each others' safe haven. We are able to rise above the pressures and stresses that the world puts upon us.
Solomon considered his bride as refreshing as “a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon.” (Song 4:15)   

If you keep such loving thoughts and speak them to your spouse daily, your relationship with one another will always be on fire!
Be determine to refresh your lover and your lover will respond in kind.
Indeed, great lovers refresh each other constantly. 

God bless.


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Rosie said...

"Love is not a matter of counting the years; it's making the years count." - Wolfman Jack Smith

Steven Chan said...

Hi Rosie, you are absolutely right. Spouses must be determined to make each and every day, hour, minute and second count toward strengthening their relationship with each other.