Monday, July 30, 2012

Why are you like that?

Have you ever ask your spouse this question before?

I have. And you might guess, the result was disastrous every time.

For many years in our marriage, Michelle could not accept the way I did or looked at certain things. Neither could I understand why she kept some habits that were unacceptable to me. Many times we had tiffs and unpleasant exchanges over such things. We tried to correct each other but it made the matter worse.

That is until I found out an important truth for a blissful marriage - that we have to accept our differences.

Fundamentally, we are two unique individuals. We do not think or act alike. We have different ideas, ideals and opinions. We have lived with our habits since we took our first breadth and becoming husband and wife was not going to magically change us. Still, I expected her to give up her habits if she loved me and she thought that I should do the same.

Bliss came when we began to accept the differences between us. This bliss did not come about by sweeping our problems under the carpet. Neither did it come because we closed our eyes to what we did not like of each other.

On the contrary, bliss came when Michelle and I learned that to respect each other means to accept our differences. It did not come easy. We had to commit ourselves to it. We had to be deliberate in not getting angry or frustrated whenever each other's "bad habits" showed up.

We even learned to accept each other's idiosyncrasies.

The result is amazing! When I saw her accepting me as I am, I began to have a strong desire to change to please her. She reciprocated in the same way. Our old habits and idiosyncrasies, which had caused much heartache before, began to dim before our eyes.

Honestly, I do not think that all our bad habits were gone. But as we sailed into the course of accepting our differences, those habits did not bother us any more. And without the constant disagreement over them, they simply disappeared from our eyes!

Such is the power of accepting differences between husband and wife. In the end, respecting each other truly means accepting one another. Learning and practicing this great truth help Michelle and I to love each other more. 

Great lovers become great by accepting each other unreservedly. It takes great effort but the result is amazing!


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