Don't say what should not be said

Michelle said some things to me last week that she shouldn't have said. Thank God that she realized her folly and quickly apologized. I don't think that I need to tell you that some of those words could have hurt me deeply.

Well, I must say that I didn't get hurt because I applied my "Hear what should be heard" filter. If I didn't do that, I would probably have gotten hurt, angry and would likely have retaliated with equal carelessness.

When was the last time that happened to you and your spouse? I mean when one or both of you said something to each other that you didn't really mean but were hurtful. I am sure that neither of you enjoyed those moments.

There were times when I was also guilty of saying things to Michelle that I shouldn't have said at all. But thank God, we have learned to handle such situations rather successfully.

Beyond having good communication skills, spouses need to be extremely mindful as to what they should not say to one another. This is more important than giving praises to and speaking positively of one another. Yes, there are many things that lovers should not say to each other at all. But in reality, we carelessly do, opening potential flash points in our relationship.

Now, I am not talking about sweeping those difficult but necessary conversations below the carpet. That won't do; they will surely come back to haunt you later. Instead, I am addressing careless, angry and inconsiderate words that fly out of an untamed tongue. I am talking about words that distort our good intentions. This happens when we choose the wrong words, use the wrong tones and/or the wrong body language to convey our message.

There is a great proverb that puts this aptly ...

                 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

How true this is! A harsh word, even unintended, always stirs up anger. To be a good lover, I learned that if there is nothing better to say, say nothing. Believe me, it will save you lots of hurt, trouble and maybe even save your marriage.

Good lovers not only know how to hear what should be heard, they also don't say what shouldn't be said. Practice these two exercise daily and seem them work wonders for your relationship!

Steven

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