To keep a marriage glowing, you must not believe everything your spouse says to you.
With more than 35 years of marriage behind us, Michelle and I know that this is true. For as many times as we practiced this simple idea, we were always able to stay above challenges in our relationship.
Let me explain by first asking you this question:
"Have you ever been hurt by what your spouse said to you or about you?"
I bet that many of you have and some are still feeling sore over some of those incidents.
While I have always advocated for spouses to speak well of one another, Michelle and I still have not perfected our speech yet. Despite our good intention, we still fail occasionally, and usually when one or both of us are under stress or when we are fatigued.
When our emotions are weaker than usual, we become irritable, as well as irritating, and often times, we blurt out words without giving them proper thoughts. Such words come out of our mouth faster than they go through our brain, and so are usually not true. Yet such words have the potential to cause tremendous hurt.
Some examples are:
"You are so unreasonable."
"Why are you so lazy?"
"I am tired of having to put up with you."
"Can't you do better than that?"
"I hate what you have done!"
Do they sound familiar?
Let me share how Michelle and I prevent the escalation of such careless words from becoming feuds that cause hurts.
I decided to build a trusting relationship such that if any of those statements spoke truth of my shortcomings, Michelle will give me the confidence to admit it, ask for her forgiveness, and ask our God to help me to change for the better. I do the same for her.
However, if Michelle said any of those statements merely out of her frustrations or simply because of anger, then I would tell myself not to take offense nor feel hurt. Vice versa for her.
More often than not, couples react negatively and argue or offensively defend the accusations. They forget that at those moments, their spouse was already stressed up or angry, making it difficult to accept any reasoning. Such a reaction usually elicits another negative reaction. And a war erupts!
Under those circumstances, Michelle and I choose not to believe what was said and we resist the temptation to react impulsively. It took many years for us to do this right. But it works wonders for us and it will work for any couple in love. The result is worth all the determined effort you have to put in.
So I say, don't believe everything that your spouse says to you, especially in moments of stress or anger! Instead, believe that it was never his/her intention to hurt you. After all, those words may not even be true.
Giving the benefit of doubt to your spouse brings a fragrance of love. It will keep your love for each other burning strong and you will enjoy a marriage that glows.
For more of such sharing, get a copy of Maximum Marriage - From Husband and Wife to Lovers for Life!
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