Monday, October 29, 2012

How deep is my love for my wife?

For the past few weeks, I have been telling Michelle that I love her only 98% of the time.

I don't think that there is a way to measure one's love and represent it as a percentage. But for the sake of what I am going to write about this week, let's assume that we can.

Why 98% of the time?

Though improving by the day, she is still imperfect. So, 98% of the time (I really mean most of the time), Michelle is loving, lovable and deserved to be loved. At those times, she makes me feel so loved, which makes me want to reciprocate my love. And I love her too!

Then there is 2% of the time when she is not at her best behavior, when she does not care what she is saying to me and she allows her anger to come on top of her. Words, inappropriate and uncalled for flow out of her mouth, faster than she can think. Words which I wished I did not hear from my lover.

In those 2% of the time, I love her very much.

How can that be? I have to. Because I truly love her.

It is so easy to love her when all's well, when both of us are at peace and enjoying one another. But like every other couple, our life isn't totally smooth sailing. The reality is that no matter how long we are married, we are still two individual human beings, attempting to live as one. Differences still exist.

Loving her more during the difficult times is no easy feat. But I remember that I had vowed to "love her in good times and in bad ..." Michelle and I, have over the years, worked hard at it to live up to our pledge. It was not easy but we are glad that we did put in the effort. It is paying off handsomely.

Recently, my daughter, over-hearing a conversation between Michelle and I, quipped, "When are you both going to stop irritating each other?"

I replied, "But we are not irritating each other." And that was truly how Michelle and I felt.

But what an interesting comment it was. It caused me to ponder and I realized that such "irritations" as my daughter saw, and which used to irritate us when were a young couple, do not irritate us anymore. Not that we have become indifferent, resigned nor care less, but we actively work on not to take offense at each other when inappropriate words spill out of our mouth. We choose to hear what should be heard instead.

We remind ourselves that it was unintentional.  This simple thought has saved Michelle and I from a lot of hurts and quarrels. We simply push ourselves to love each other more than normal during those times. And it works beautifully!

By the same token, if I can measure how deep is Michelle's love for me, I would say she loves me 70% of the time. And for the rest of the time when I am less lovable, when I hurt her and fail to consider her, she loves me much more. I thank God for blessing me with her.

Lovers love one another in good times. Great lovers love one another very much in difficult times.

This I learned from the Greatest Lover of all times. He loved me at a time when I was most unlovable and as undeserving as I was, He gave His Son to save me. God is indeed the Greatest Lover!


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