Monday, February 4, 2013

Dinosaurs have idiosyncrasies too

#2 - Accepting each other, even the idiosyncrasies

"Why are you like that?", I used to asked Michelle.

She would frequently retort, "I am like that, why can't you accept me?"

The inability to accept each other has caused many quarrels in the early years of our marriage. It stemmed from my selfishness to want her to be who I wanted her to be. This is the same with Michelle, expecting me to be Prince Charming, who would love her unconditionally.

We both made demands for the other to magically transform into the idea spouse. Our insistence for each other to change didn't work. It only caused more tension and quarrels.

We are glad that we have long overcame those difficult times. As I read "A Lovely Love Story", I see that the Dinosaurs also did the same things that we did to create their lovely love story.

Let's learn some more from them:

The Dinosaurs realize that they are different. Each has his or her own views and opinions of life, different interests that keep them happy and each has certain idiosyncrasies. Instead of getting irritated, they embrace and celebrate their differences.

Like the Lovely Dinosaurs, Michelle and I learned to accept each other as God's unique creation and yet being brought together to be a couple, to love, help, and support each other. We agree that some things will change over time but some will probably take up to eternity to do so.

Accepting one another, including the idiosyncrasies, played a crucial role in helping us build the strong relationship that we enjoy today.  Yes, there are still things that she does that I would rather she did not. But I don't ask Michelle why she still does them, neither do I get irritated over those things. And, I do not demand her to change.

Instead, I accept that she wants to change but is still working on those areas of her life. So instead of demanding or even asking her to do something about it, I accept her. On top of that, I encourage her with gentle words. She appreciates that and she says that what I do motivates her to be a even better wife.

Because I initiated this acceptance of her, she reciprocates and accepts me too. And over the years, we begin to love each other more and more.  The result - our dislikes for what used to irritate one another, waned.

Michelle and I and the Dinosaurs got this right. Accepting one another allows us to enjoy a great loving relationship.

Great lovers accept each other, including the idiosyncrasies.


(Cartoons belong to Mr Edward Monkton. They are from his simple but wonderful book titled, "A LOVELY LOVE STORY" by HarperCollins Publishers. The book was a present from our daughter for our 31st wedding anniversary.)

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