What's in a word?

"What we say and how we say it matters much in a relationship. It certainly makes a great difference to your marriage!"

That was what I shared with the couples at a Lovers' Retreat recently. 

I am sure that we all have heard many advice on communication, including:

• Talk less, listen more
• Be truly interested
• Seek to understand first before wanting to be understood
• Understand the context
• Watch your body language
• Clarify, don't jump into conclusions rashly .....

They are all good advice. However, my lover and I learned over the years that the best practice really is to choose to speak carefully and mindfully to each other. Being careful and mindful means to ensure that what I say would build up my lover, and also build up my love for her.

In simple terms, always speak kind words to one another, even in situations when you were right and your lover were wrong. This is what is meant by being considerate of each other!

The bible gives us such wisdom:

"The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit." Proverbs 15:4

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21

My lover and I learned to constantly make deliberate effort to speak well of and mindfully to each other. The results are wonderful - we  practically don't argue anymore, we offer each other a lot more affirmation and definitely feel deeply loved.

So, before you next speak to your lover, THINK carefully of what you are about to say and how you say it.  Ask the following 5 questions:

• Is it True?
• Is it Helpful?
• Is it Important?
• Is it Negative?
• Is it Kind?

I end with a quotation from the "Devotional Book for Couples" -

Kind words can be short and easy to speak,

and their echoes are truly endless.

Good lovers speak kindly to each other, always!

Your comments and sharing are most welcome. Fuel debate, share your experience and ask questions. Click "Comment" to have you say! You are also encouraged to mark your reaction to my post....